Naked Chef-ery

I saw the file was called "The Naked Chef" and I so nearly didn't open it, imagining it would be full of horrific publicity shots of the gurning Cockernee Narcissist whining on about how great his food is, or some such.

I wouldn't mind, but Jamie Fucking Oliver has never once got naked despite making billions of pounds from a show in which he describes himself as naked. Someone should explain to the smug geezer all about the Trades Descriptions Act, I think...

Anyway, imagine my surprise and delight when it turned out that this Naked Chef is a man called, er, Brian, and he very much does get naked for us:

Brian's a bit of a star, I'd say. Stiff upper lipped, a bit playful, and looks like he could rustle up a mean tortilla.

He also has what looks to me like a delightfully modest tool, just a little more than a handful (which, frankly, is as much as any of us need or should want):

And not afraid to show it to us...

I'm beginning to hatch a plot in which Jame-me-me-me is lost at sea and the lovely Brian steps into the breach, only ever donning an apron to avoid nasty, spitting fat-related industrial injuries. We wouldn't want any of those, would we, boys and girls?