Saucy

London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival again, this time to see Unhappy Birthday, a film so low-budget that there doesn't appear to be a single still anywhere on the internet.

It's set in the magical world of Amen Island (which is the name used for Lindisfarne, where the film was shot), a liminal place where the sea floods the causeway (although, for reasons I can't fathom but are doubtless plot-related, apparently Amen Island only has one tide a day rather than the customary two).

Being a Salty Bog Man by origin, this shifting world -- where nothing is fixed or is quite what it seems -- comes naturally to me. Alas for the three urban metrosexuals who are the main characters, it is for them an alien and inexplicable world.

Cue: every Hammer House of Horror cliché you have ever encountered (I include flights of sinister-looking ravens, the screams of (unseen) night-time foxes, cobwebs, a scary-looking scarecrow, twigs silhouetted against the full moon, close-ups of barbed-wire, inbred locals (League of Gentlemen-style), timelapse photography of the tide inundating the sand and marsh, etc, etc).

And, as is now compulsory in British horror movies, there's also the homage to that great and much-abused movie, The Wicker Man.

Unhappy Birthday is campy fun rather than scary horror (thank goodness, I say), and it stars the good-looking former soap denizen David Paisley, seen here in some hospital-set soap opera or other:

He is also, apparently, in this next shot, though I have no idea which one is he, and I include it purely for the gratuitous amount of skin on display:

Anyway, I'm thrilled and delighted to inform you that the cock count in Unhappy Birthday is very significant indeed (or, at least, relatively speaking it is), giving us a delightful look at Master Paisley's very thick and pendulous wanger, hanging low and fat, in a wholly gratuitous outdoor shower scene which reminded me more of soft-core porn than feature films (for those who like that sort of thing, he is vigorously buggered at one point, although the moaning of him and his partner reminded me more of a herd of cows ready for milking rather than two men in the throes of ecstasy):

Thank God the LLGFF is reverting to form.

And thanks to David, too, for sharing his delightful man-parts with us.

PS: My thanks to a reader to pointing out a small crop of tiny stills from the film. Like this one:

I'm not sure that was worth the wait, actually.