My reasons were not entirely selfless since this movie stars Alex Pettyfer, over whom I have lusted before...
And it also stars the hyper-lovely Timothy Olyphant, over whom I have lusted before, er, many times:
Although Alex was billed as the Big Star of this one:
Anyway, he plays a normal, American High School teen (a normal, hyper-beautiful and gorgeous American teen who looks like he's about 28, actually) who, one day, discovers he has glow-in-the-dark parts:
He is in fact an alien, sent to earth to grow in strength and return to wreak vengeance against the evil other-alien race who took over his home planet and blah blah blah.
That's all just a McGuffin, of course, and his real fate is to survive High School and get a human girlfriend for plot development purposes, and -- wouldn't you know it? -- he lands Quinn Fabray, the President of the Celibacy Squad and pregnant Head Cheerleader...
No, wait a minute. Something's going wrong here.
Um... anyway, Alex Pettyfer lives alone with Timothy Olyphant, who adores him, a circumstance which makes me profoundly jealous until I realise that Timothy is meant to be Alex's sort-of Dad. And now I can't work out if that's sick or just even hotter.
Um... anyway, there are these alien killer dudes who have been sent to kill Alex and his eight other hyper-powered alien chums (whom he has never met), and the baddies swoosh around in looong coats a bit like Neo in The Matrix.
As an aside, can I just point out that it would actually help a lot if we could all agree whether long coats are for the goodies or baddies -- it's confusing, having to keep relearning this stuff. Remember the Westerns: black hats = baddies. See? Dead simple.
Anyway, while Alex is making out with Quinn, wowwing her with his amazing sticky palms, there's some other biker chick somewhere else who's blowing stuff up.
Er... it all comes to a big climax with lots of CGI fights between strange CGI beasties and Alex's super-natural powers and the hot biker chick and some sort of injured puppy (I'm not making this up) which turns out to be a shape-shifter.
Much more importantly, my friend L. won the sweepstake for guessing correctly the number of times Alex Pettyfer would be made to stand around without a top, looking hunky (3), while I guessed correctly that Timothy Olyphant would have head hair but lost the sweepstake for number of times he'd be topless (it was none, alas. Although I was closer than L., so I'm sort of moral victor there).
Oh, God, I forgot to tell you about this kid, the science nerd whose Dad has disappeared and, apparently, been abducted by aliens or some such:
This is too much. I Am Number Four is an enjoyable romp, pure hocus, a giant spectacle (so see it in an Imax, none of your dumb local multiplex screens), and let the enjoyable nonsense flood all over you. And enjoy reacquainting yourself with Alex Pettyfer's generous nipples and manly jawline.
I Am Number Four: recommended for those blow-out occasions when all you want to do is veg in front of some action movie and admire the leading guy's tits.
3 comments:
Why are you not on Film 2011?
I am far too big for Film 2011. But thanks for asking.
Alex was always lovely even as a pre-teen (those cheekbones!).
No doubt he'll look fabulous as a 60 year old too.
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